Bird in Bloom
by Derrick Rathgeber
Bird in Bloom this piece is so nostalgic to me as an artist. I think it means more to me that most of my art pieces, and for good reason. I went from a very dark place to a new brighter future with this one picture.
Back in 2008 I was in a severe accident on the job, as a cable technician, that left me completely disabled. I was crushed by a faulty ladder and my entire body was bent backwards like an accordion and what was worse was the 150lb 14ft extension ladder landed on my right wrist. My chances of ever drawing again were not looking good at all. What made things worse was the fact that my injury was on the job. The insurance company never took my injuries seriously, and to this day they are still refusing treatments.
In 2009 I continued to work on these injuries due to the insurance companies doctor. Although my treating physician placed me on full disability the insurance company sent me to a "wrist" specialist. This doctor examined only my wrist and hand, and not the rest of the injuries which included my back, lumbar spine, hips, shoulder, neck, and so on. Based on his report my work limitations were decreased and I was sent back into the field. I continued to take it easy and do only disconnects, and simple installs for a while. Until May 1st 2009, my co-worker called in sick. It was his week on call, and they had me take over his work load despite my limitations. I argued, but they threatened terminating me, and I had a family to think about. I really wished I listened to my gut. That day I pushed myself too far. I did two line drops, a trench, full house install, and multiple line repairs. I worked from 8:00am - 8:00pm with no breaks. In Blythe the weather that day was 110 degrees. Needless to say I just went home and passed out for the night.
May 2nd 2009, Probably the scariest day of our families lives. I woke up from the day before completely drained and exhausted. I was constantly dizzy and couldn't focus. I felt really sore so I tried to do some yoga to stretch out a bit. I put the DVD in and did about half of the warm-up but that was too much. I told my wife that I was just not feeling well and went back to sleep. She watched the kids, and I went to lay back down. I woke up again around the evening time and went to the rest room. Sorry if this is a bit graphic but I peed what looked like Coca Cola. It was black. By the time I was able to look what happened I was already blacking out. My kidneys were failing. I got to Palo Verde Hospital and they were a bunch of retards. They made me get out of my wheelchair, and walk. Took their time to get me a room. And when the blood results came back they thought it was an error, and almost sent me home with Gatorade. You see with all the injuries I had and me working myself to death the day before in the heat I got Rhabdomyolysis - (the breakdown of muscle fibers that leads to the release of muscle fiber contents (myoglobin) into the bloodstream. Myoglobin is harmful to the kidney and often causes kidney damage.)
My CK levels were over 90,000, and they are supposed to be within the 150 range. I was literally off the charts and should have been dead. After being transferred to an actual hospital in Sun City Arizona (another 4 hour ambulance ride.) I had to stay there for a good two weeks until my levels were in a respectable range. And finally I was taken off work for the time being.
It's now 2012 and that day still haunts me. I am in a huge fight with this insurance company as I imagine most people are. I can still feel my body degrading, and falling apart. My wrist has developed carpel tunnel and signs of arthritis. My elbow, back and shoulder hurt with every use, and I now require a cane to walk. Did I mention that I am in my 30's. I had about given up any hope of ever draw or have a normal life ever again. I was in such a hole that I really wanted to just give up. I wasn't getting better, I wasn't getting paid anything, and it really hurt to do anything I liked to do. Even sitting down for longer than 20 minutes would kill my back. I didn't know why I was left to just rot, and I lost all faith in people.
I bought me a new sketchook, it was suede covered, and very nice. At this time I hadn't drawn a picture in years. Not so much a doodle. I felt like I was losing myself, and I needed something to change. I had to make myself some rules. I draw what I want. I don't judge it, and I don't share it with anyone. Just draw.
And I did. I found small times where I would just sketch, nothing fancy or great, but I did it. My hand was shaking, my wrist was in severe pain, and my back was straining, but I was drawing. That's the only thing I focused on. I noticed over the next few pages that I was slowly getting it back. I noticed that I was actually getting a bit better. Because of the pain, and shaky hands I had to slow down. I couldn't draw for hours anymore, but with the time I gave myself to draw I was completely focused, and really looked closely at the drawings. I was no longer the fast artist I once as, who learned to animate and draw accurate lines with one stroke, but a new kind of artist that drew sketchy lines, and slowed down quite a bit. It wasn't worse, just different.
Towards the end of the year I was at the store and I came home with a large poster board. I said to myself, I am going to full this paper up with color. I was going to to a full 22" x 28" colored pencil drawing no matter how long it took. I grabbed reference shots and compiled it together. I chose the Gerber daisy because it's my wife's favorite flower, and this picture was dedicated to her belief in me. And the humming bid was because well we see them all over our back yard, and I thought it would look great in the picture. For the next three months I worked on this piece, and I was shocking myself. By the time I was done, I didn't believe I did it. I almost didn't want to finish it. After posting it online I was approached to place it in a show. At this time aside from the fairs, I had never been in a show, or a gallery. And this showcase was a juried show with professional artists.
Something funny happened at this show. I won Best in Show. I didn't expect to win anything to be honest. Now this wasn't a money winning category, but I won. Part of the reason was my colored pencil drawing was categorized as a painting. They thought I colored this piece so well that it was a painting. Even better the judge couldn't believe the size of the piece, and he told be that he himself couldn't do it. Me I thought nah he must be buttering me up or trying to make me feel better. That was until people were shaking my hand. They were respecting me as an artist, and calling me their equal. This was all new to me. I wanted to do this all my life, and now it's possible.
So with this piece I was able to start new. I am still in a lot of pain, and may never be the same again, but now I have a future to look forward to. I have drawn many more colored pencil pieces since then, and I continue to do much more. I may not have a lot of money, or completely healthy, but I have a great family backing me, and I feel so successful as an artist because I am able to draw again, and share my work with all of you. I hope if something ever happens like this in your life that you use it to better yourself too. Don't let negative people, and negative events in your life take away your life. I wasted a lot of time in sorrow, and pain. I can't imagine where I would be now if I just gave up. I probably wouldn't be around to see how much great things I would have missed out on. So Thank you for supporting me everyone, you make pictures like this one happen, and you make me continue to fight.
Thank you for reading,
Derrick Rathgeber
This image is now available for a live viewing at the Artscape exhibit in Riverside, CA.
Spring - Summer exhibit from March 2013 - September 2013.
To view my work visit the Artscape exhibit located at:
The Riverside County Administration Center
4080 Lemon St.,
Riverside, CA 92501
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